Life, family, home, and lack of sleep!

I have learned over the course of my life, that there are times when life, family commitments, and home responsibilities tend to erode our sleep time.  Now this is not a surprise to any of us, at least I hope it isn't a surprise!

Now in my life, I work a full time job, have a family, pets, and a home.  Currently I work about 65 miles from my home.  This means that every day I have approximately 2 hours and 30 minutes of drive time.  Couple that with 7 to 8 hours of work, and a 1 hour lunch, and we come up with at least 10 and a half hours of my day gone, now add into that sleep, and we are at about 17.5 hours, assuming I can get 7 hours a sleep a night.  That leaves 6.5 hours a day for any house work, family time, and any relaxation that I manage to get.  Now realistically I don't get anywhere near 7 hours of sleep, usually I get around 5.5 or 5.75 hours of sleep a night right now.  so that means I get 8 hours a day to be able to assist my wife with things around the house, talk with, teach, and spend time with my daughters, deal with our zoo of animals, attempt to do anything to further my own career options, further my own knowledge of any of the myriad of subjects that interest me.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not whining about this, just offering my experiences on life.  The problem with the schedule I currently keep, is that I am tired about 80% of the time.  Being tired, which should come as no surprise to anyone, leads to me being cranky... You have to understand, me being cranky is not just a minor annoyance, I tend to become a raving prick once I am tired and cranky, my patience goes to zero, my iron grip on my temper quickly loosens, and I turn into a yelling, bitchy, pain in everyone's ass.  In short I transform into my father.  Now anyone that knows me well knows that this is a major issue for me.  My father and I did not enjoy a great relationship most of the time.  One of my goals in life is to make sure I do not become my father.  What further complicates everything is that while I am tired and cranky, I realize that I am being a pain in the ass; this further frustrates my already addled and sleep deprived psyche, which, in turn makes me more annoyed, and more short tempered... I'm sure you can all see that this becomes a very, very vicious cycle. 

I try and be good and go to bed early... but when I have to get up at 0515 right now so that I can get to the office of my current assignment at 0700, it means that I should be going to bed around 2200 (10:00 pm for you non-military types, or those that have never mastered the art of adding or subtracting 12 to the time. ;) )  This proves to be difficult, especially during the summer months when it is still quite bright outside until after 2100   Now I personally can sleep just about anywhere, at just about any time; my Daughters, however, cannot usually get too sleep until it is damn near pitch black outside.  Which means now that they are awake until 2130 or 2200.  We try and send them to bed no later than 2030, but in the summer that is difficult at best.  So when they go to bed at 2100, and then the wife and I spend 10 or 15 minutes getting things organized, we sit down to relax, watch a movie, etc.. it is around 2130.  This means that I should watch around 30 minutes of whatever program is on, and then go to bed.  If I do that, My lovely wife tends to become slightly miffed, which I do not fault her for, as I would be as well.  The catch 22 of it is that the longer I stay up, the less sleep I get, the crankier I become, the less hospitable I am, the less time anyone wants to be around me....  Do ya see the problem here?

Add to all of this the desire to have our family become more self sufficient, by growing some of our own food, rain collection, and eventually, (when I have extra time and $!) setup a grid-tie, backup solar system, and the insanity begins to exponentially multiply!  We know that all of these things are better for us, and will save us money, but unfortunately, like most things, you have to spend some money to save some money; well at least in regards to the rain collection, and solar power you have to spend some cash.  For the gardening, it's more a matter of time, and effort; either way, you see the issues.

In short, I need to find employment closer to home, and/or not have to work!  The only problem with working closer to home, is then I would want to pick up a part time job, to fund hobbies, home improvement, and be able to afford the PV array system faster!  ACCCKKKKK  someone tell me how to juggle it all and still atain the goals I want to, please!


Oh well, for now I'll just keep yawning.  Remember all, Live your life to the fullest, 'cause no one gets out alive!

IRS corruption, US debt, and the hell that is day to day life.

*NOTE* This post has become very long and rambling, for that I apologize, but what can I say, my mind tends to ramble and wander frequently... I always have various things zipping through my mind... always thinking about something, and unless I make a concerted effort to reign it in, you get posts like this one. ;)  unfortunately for you, I didn't feel like concentrating on it this morning!


Not that any sane person that has a brain in their head couldn't have figured this out all on their own.  We have now "learned" that the head of the IRS Exempt Organizations division overruled the IRS' own lawyer, and forced conservative, Tea Party, and libertarian organizations to go through a non-standard "multilayer" review that included the Obama appointed chief counsel.  Now if anyone thinks that Obama himself didn't have something to do with this, or at the very least direct knowledge of it going on, they are deluding themselves!

Personally I, and several others I have spoken to believe that this is election tampering and fraud!  Someone, or several someones more than likely, need to be imprisoned for this.  Couple this with the DOJ's lack of desire to prosecute the New Black Panther Party for voter intimidation, and the people who voted multiple times for Obama, supposedly with the assistance of the Obama campaign, you can come to only one logical conclusion... the 2012 United States Presidential election was rigged!  Not that every election is rigged... popular vote, contrary to popular opinion, means exactly squat!  Every man woman and child could vote for a single candidate, and they could still not win.  You may say, "but Jason you just invalidated your own point" In a way, yes I did, but you have to understand how, at least how I understand it, it all is supposed to work... If the populous want's a certain candidate, they all vote for that candidate.  Then their reps are supposed to see this and vote accordingly in the electoral college, obviously this is a fundementally flawed system, as there are far too many people to be able to tabulate the popular vote in a small enough time window so that the reps can then see who they are supposed to vote for, and then of course you have the fact that most of our government is corrupt, and votes strictly with the party, thus insuring that there is always a good chance that we are not getting:

1. The President that we the people actually want.
2. The President that is best for the country.

Such is the case, in my opinion, with the 2012 election; What was best for the country most definitely did not happen... anyone that thinks that I am wrong only needs to look at the facts as they are now:

1. Current US National debt 16.8 Trillion dollars! (it was $9.8 trillion on this day in 2008)
2. The "official" Unemployment rate, not seasonally adjusted as of May 2013 was 7.3% (I would counter that this number is much, much higher if you actually include all of the people that have run out their unemployment benefits and still don't have a job!) in May of 2008 we were at 5.2%.
3. Over 47.5 million Americans are on SNAP as of April 2013 contrast this to the 28+million that were on SNAP as of April 2008.
4. The US stock markets are up, but many wonder if that is solely due to the Federal Reserves open ended quantitative easing of $85 billion per month!
5. The employment-population ratio is at 58.7% as of June, this means that almost half of all Americans are not working!  Does anyone else see this as a disaster in the making?

This country has become a whiny, entitled, shell of what it once was... If this trend continues, how can we continue as a successful country?  In short, we cannot!  Other countries are beginning to abandon the US dollar as the reserve currency; if this continues, and spreads, our "money" will be exposed as the fiat currency it has become... The USD has been a fiat currency for over 4 decades, and most of the general public is unaware, or doesn't care about this issue!

This country, the United States, my home for my entire life is run on faith, faith that we will maintain our place as the largest super-power on earth, Faith that we can repay our debts, faith that the political system is not corrupt.  In short, we the people are fucked!  Currently the individual share of the US Debt is over $58,00.00 and it is growing every second; I fail to see how, in our current condition, we could ever hope to pay off our debts.

Sadly the government's spend, spend, spend attitude has directly affected it's owners.  Most US households run in the red to the average tune of $70,000.00!  This includes over $15,000 in credit card debt!  Now of course this only counts households that are in debt, but since over 60% of US households carry debt, that is a astronomical amount of people and money!  We have to change, if we do not change ourselves, we will never be able to change the government.  So I say to everyone, QUIT SPENDING MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE!!!!  Learn to wait for gratification, if you can't afford it, don't freakin' buy it then, save your $ and get it later.  Pay off your debts, start with the smallest and pay it off, then work your way up, it's not rocket science, it just requires discipline, lots of it. 

One of the quickest ways to "add" money to your budget is to stop eating out, I know that this is very hard, I'm just as guilty as anyone.  I commute about 2 hours a day, it makes meal planning a challenge to say the least.  It is so much easier to just run out and grab food for the family then cooking something at 6pm when I get home... (not saying that my wonderful wife does not cook, just that it's hard to plan when to have food done, when I never know exactly when I'm going to be home) couple that with the normal things going on in a family, and a couple home improvement projects and you quickly run out of time to accomplish any cooking at home.  We all have to work on this, or we will quickly find ourselves living in a colony of China!


This post has become very long and rambling, for that I apologize, but what can I say, my mind tends to ramble and wander frequently... I always have various things zipping through my mind... always thinking about something, and unless I make a concerted effort to reign it in, you get posts like this one. ;)

Tyranny in the USA?

In order to have an intelligent discussion on this or any other subject, is to first have knowledge of what is being discussed; therefore here is some knowledge.

The definition of tyranny according to Merriam-Webster's on-line dictionary is:

1: oppressive power tyranny

over the mind of man — Thomas Jefferson>; especially : oppressive power exerted by government tyranny of a police state>

2a : a government in which absolute power is vested in a single ruler; especially : one characteristic of an ancient Greek city-state

b : the office, authority, and administration of a tyrant

3: a rigorous condition imposed by some outside agency or force tyranny

of the clock — Dixon Wecter>

4: an oppressive, harsh, or unjust act : a tyrannical act tyrannies

>The google definition is:

1. Cruel and oppressive government or rule.
2. A nation under such cruel and oppressive government.

 

I am presenting my personal views and opinions on this topic, if you don't agree, please comment and we can have an intelligent and civil discussion.  If you begin to simply regurgitate rhetoric, or begin to personally attack me, I will delete your posts... If you continue, I will do everything I can to track you down, and make your life hell.  This is not said to dissuade commentary, it is meant to dissuade the idiots that tend to troll topics such as these.  Again, these are my viewpoints, and mine alone.

So, now that we have gotten the basics of the word out of the way, let us continue.

Here are the current list of major governmental misdeeds, as I see it, in no particular order:

1. The foolish, misguided, illegal, program known as "Fast and Furious"
2. The purely political wrangling of the Benghazi tragedy where an American ambassador, and three US servicemen were murdered by terrorists, and the ineptitude, dishonesty of the current administration.
3. The complete fiasco that is the IRS targeting people and organizations based on their beliefs.
4. Eric Holder, and Barrack Hussein Obama's "handling" of the George Zimmerman trial.
5. Eric Holder and the DOJ spying on the Associated Press.
6. The NSA spying on freakin' everybody.
7. Eric Holder being in contempt of Congress, and perjuring himself.
8. Out of control government agencies, i.e. The VA going to Disney World, the GSA having the mistaken idea that what happens in Vegas, really does stay in Vegas, and of course the various IRS "conferences".

 Now any one of these would be a stain on the spirit of an administration, two or three, a major embarrassment, all of them combined, well in my opinion, this is the modern face of tyranny.

Let's take this, to me shocking list (which is by no means complete) and go point by point.

First off we have Fast and Furious.  This project, to me and most logical, patriotic Americans was a complete and total cluster-fuck from the very beginning.  Someone in the bureaucracy of our government, thought that it would be a good idea to force law-abiding business owners, who by the way are under constant scrutiny by the government, to sell legal semi-automatic firearms to known felons (which in and of itself is a felony) with the supposed purpose of tracking the movements of these illegally obtained weapons.  Now, let me get this straight, you are handing weapons to a criminal, and then expect them to tell you where they are going, and what they are going to be used for?  Anyone else see the fundamental fail in this idea?  The government, not surprisingly,  lost all control of these firearms the moment after the felon laid hands on these firearms.  Now the next stupendously stupid thought of the ATFE, the governmental agency who thought up this "brilliant" project thought that they would be able to track the weapons once they left the US and headed to Mexico to be snapped up by drug cartels, thugs, and murderers.  Now I don't know how in the hell the ATFE thought that they would be able to track these weapons... we have no power in Mexico, they do not respect the US government, and who in their right mind would go along with such an asinine plan anyway?  On top of the phenominal amount of fail in this plan, at the same time there were many, many elements in our government trying to remove these very firearms from the hands of citizens.  Now I know firearms are a hot button topic, and everyone has an opinion on them, but, until the Constitution of the United States is Amended,

"...the right of the People to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

I know everyone has their opinion on that amendment as well, but we are supposed to be a nation of laws, if we are not going to follow those laws, or, in my opinion even worse, selectively follow the laws that have been laid out, we no longer have a Constitutional Republic (By the way, this is the type of government we have, despite what so many think, we do not live in a democracy, as our founding fathers, in their wisdom, knew the inherent dangers of a democracy... think mob rule).


Next we move on to Benghazi.  Here we have a stunning amount of corruption and political gamesmanship.  We have a consulate that requested increased security numerous times, we have a DOJ that denied the request, the head of the DOJ refusing to admit that she actually was the one and only person ultimately responsible for that denial.  We have a President who did nothing while the consulate was under attack and those four Americans were being, in some cases, tortured, desecrated, and murdered.  We have someone in the DOJ supposedly ordering the stand-down of reinforcements, and then we have numerous members of the administration changing the, now infamous, talking points on the events that were correctly prepared by the CIA.  On top of that we have various members of the DOJ, and even our own president going on live TV and outright lying to us, the American people, about what happened.  Before any of you can say that the president didn't know that he was lying, how does that make it any better?  Either he is so incompetent that he doesn't know what his own appointees are doing, or he is a willing participant.  Either way, it's wrong, and it is bullshit!  The families of these men deserve better, they deserve the truth, and the direct apology of every lying, duplicitous bastard involved in this blatant cover up!  We the American people deserve to know why 4 our our own were allowed to be murdered, and we deserve to have those directly, and indirectly held accountable!  And That is why it matters Mrs. Clinton!!!  The only logical reason I can see for this coverup was to avoid the political embarrassment of having to admit that terrorism was still alive and well, and still targeting the US, after Obama stated that the war on terrorism was over and we won.  I can't see any other reason for this travesty of justice; other than it was right before the election, oh I'm sorry the rigged election.

 The IRS scandals... where to even begin... targeting conservative and patriotic groups and people for illegal scrutiny, lavish parties and conferences on the taxpayers dime; IRS agents negligently discharging their firearms more often then purposefully discharging them!  At it's core this agency is corrupt, always has been, always will be.  The tax code should not be almost 74,000 pages long!  There is no way any citizen can avoid an infraction of some kind!  I am one of those crazy people that believe our tax code needs to be completely trashed and re-written on one single piece of legal paper... every pays X% of their income, to include businesses.  If you are found in willing violation of that law, you forfeit every asset you have, and I mean everything!  The entirety of the IRS could be cut to what, maybe 98% of it's current size?  Oh, and what the hell does the Internal Revenue Service have to do with healthcare?  These idiots are exposing our social security numbers in bulk to the entire world, and you want me to think that having them enforce Obamacare (AKA socialist medical care taxes) is a good idea?  Are you fucking nuts?

The George Zimmerman trial has been a media circus since before Zimmerman was even arrested.  The local police could find no reason to hold him that evening, could find no reason to charge him, and were going to record it for what it appears to be, a clear case of self-defense; until the media and such "upstanding members of our society" as Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson threw a damn hissy and insisted on an arrest, then insisted on a trial, and are now insisting that justice wasn't done... Hey assholes, I hate to tell you, but he was aquited of all charges... that means the JUSTICE system has spoken!  This case has been meddled with by our administration since day one!  You have the president of the United States injecting race into a crime that was not racially motivated, you have Eric Holder sending the FBI to investigate racial overtones in George Zimmerman, then you have Eric Holder sending the CRS (Community Relations Service) to Florida to incite racially motivated protests, Then you have Eric Holder (again with this guy) all but promising to "get" Zimmerman on something, after he had been found not guilty of all charges by a jury of his peers!  Now in sixteen months of the FBI investigating the guy they can't find one shred of evidence that he is at all racist, in fact to the contrary they have found voluminous amounts of evidence that he is an incredibly diverse and kind man leads me to the conclusion that there is not a bit of evidence to support that Zimmerman violated Martin's civil rights.  And now you have Eric Holder (how the hell does this guy still have a job?) going after laws that had absolutely nothing to do with this case!  Holder is now stating that the Stand your Ground laws are the cause of this tragedy... umm this was never a stand your ground case, it was a self defense case... it's hard to claim he (Zimmerman) could have retreated when he was being pinned on the ground while being beaten...   Now before everybody loses their fucking mind on me, let me point out that I stated from the beginning that this entire situation was a tragedy, and that there was plenty of blame to go around on both parties in this event.  However from a purely legal standpoint, the only person that broke the law that night, from the evidence which we have available, was Trayvon Martin.  I'm sorry if that is not what you want to hear, I'm sorry if you think that me saying this makes me racist, again, I'm not racist; I hate everyone equally.  I am not however, sorry that Zimmerman was acquitted.  Again from the evidence available he was clearly defending his life, and I will defend that principle of our country to my dying breath!

Eric Holder... wow, I just cannot believe this guy is still walking around as a free man, let alone that he is still a high ranking government official!  During numerous investigations by Congress, Mr. Holder has; perjured himself, defiantly refused to hand over documents, denied access to witnesses and whistle-blowers, and been an all around arrogant dick!  Spying on the press, being involved with the NSA spying on the whole damn world, etc...  There is just too much on this guy, hell he is walking around after being found in contempt of Congress!!!!  WTF?

Government agencies wasting taxpayers money... I'm not even going to rant on this, as it has been this way since I have been alive.  The easiest way to fix all of this?  Cut the size of OUR government by at least 60%, implement citizen oversight committees for every agency; implement rigid term limits on all members of congress; Politics were never meant to be a goddamned career!

In my opinion, everyone of these items are tyrannical incidents.  This is tyranny, pure and simple, period.  There is a Movie and a Book partially entitled "Enemy at the Gates"  Our enemy is not at the gates, it is in our damned House!  We must take our country back, and demand our personal liberties and freedoms be restored; else we will soon no longer be the land of the free.

*Note* I got tired of looking up links, and doing research on all of the transgressions of our government.  If you are interested, which you damn well should be, all of your answers are just a query away on the Internet. 

My First marriage, a mistake

 Or, How I learned that controlling your temper does not mean shutting down all emotions!

 Now any of you that know me, will know that I am on my second (and last!) marriage.  When I was much younger than I am now, around 21 or so, I moved from Northern Indiana to South Central Indiana, Bloomington to be precise.  Now, like most young men, I followed the wrong part of my anatomy for this move.  I had been working a couple different jobs in my home town, discovering the seedier parts of the fledgling Internet, and hanging out on various web chats.  While on one of these chats, I met a couple of young women who were fairly easy to talk to... in all honest I met a few different women, at least two of them were, what I considered to be promising.  While chatting with one of them, I found out that she had been less than honest with me, and was older than I, now she wasn't 50 or anything, but she was mid thirties, and I was early twenties, so, of course that disqualified her from any further consideration or discussion; hey I was young and stupid... at least I'm honest about it! 

A few months later I decided to go and visit the other young woman that I had talked to.  At this point we had talked on the phone a few times, etc...  I drove down to Bloomington, now I had various friends that were "attending" IU so I figured I had a backup plan if everything went sideways... In some ways I should have skipped meeting the young woman and just hung out and gotten shit-faced with my friends.  Of course if I would have done that, I also would never have met my (now) current wife, had my beautiful daughters, etc.

I met the young woman, and quickly chatted and exchanged pleasantries... after a brief time we went out ate, came back to her dorm, yes, I said dorm, and well, you can figure out what happened after that.  I stayed with her at her dorm for a week... it was a liberating time, as I had no one to tell me what to do, or how to do it for, really, one of the first times in my life.  I reluctantly left and went home.  Another month or two later, it was decided that I would move down there and make a go of it.  Now this should have tipped me off to how my life for the next 8 or 9 years would go, but again, I was young and stupid.  The decision of me moving down was figured out in a 10 minute phone call, with very little planning, and even less thought put into this.  It was more of a childish experiment, then a plan.  My, now girlfriend, decided I would move down there and get an apartment; now being I was working crap jobs, I had no real money of any kind, and couldn't begin to afford first, last, and deposit.  My girlfriend said, no worries, she would pay for it.  Again, alarm bells should have been sounding!  Now in the time between deciding to move, and the time to move, my vehicle died... so I was without transportation, on top of the fact that I had little money, no clue what I was going to do, and no real understanding of what it meant to have to provide for myself.  Well, it was a marvelous experiment in how long you can live somewhere without paying anything beyond first, last, and security before you are evicted.  For reference it is 3 months.  During the time I spent there, I finally found a job, got a new (to me) car, and began making my way in the world... what follows is another crappy apartment that I was evicted from, and then finally stabilized in slightly less crappier apartments, and finally working my way up to fairly stable employment.  During this time my girlfriend and I continued on... I noticed that it seemed like there was never any money available, but hey, I've got expensive tastes, so I figured that was all it was.  Well fast forward a few more years, we are living together, both working, and decided to get married.  Now during the time between decision and marriage, I had moments of doubt and second thoughts, but what the hell did I know, I chalked it up to cold feet.  We were married civilly, no big ceremonies, oh, and no letting her parents know... Yeah, I know another huge freaking red flag, but it's amazing what years of apathy and conditioning to a situation will do.  Now I had a moment of panic the morning after getting married when I woke up, sat up in bed, and thought to myself, "What the fuck did I just do?"  Now that right there should have let me know that this was not going to end well.  I was somewhat a zombie in my life at this time, I had cut off most of my feelings, and just existed.

Two and a half years pass in this manner, I'm working full time plus in IT, my wife is working full time in customer service, and combined we are making well over 80k a year... not bad for a couple of mid to late twenty-somethings with no kids.  It was then when everything started to unravel... I liked to play computer games a bit back then... OK, I still like to, but I have next to no time to game now-a-days.  I mentioned to my wife that I wanted to buy a new game coming out; she states that we'll have to wait and see, but it may take a couple of months??!!???  I start to get pissed... then a few days later we are at the big-box store getting stuff for the house.. we have a  cat and a dog... I went to go get cat litter... the good scoop-able kind; as I'm the one who has to do the cat litter, I want the easiest to deal with.  My wife says that there is no reason to "waste" money on that... well, I kind of lost it, blew up in the middle of the store and told her in no uncertain terms that, I made 50k+ (at that time) and if I fucking want scoop-able cat litter, I'm goddamned well going to buy scoop-able litter, and she can get the fuck over it!  Like I said, I kinda lost it.  This was the uncorking of my temper (those of you that have known me for years, know that this is not a good thing!)  I had thought I had learned to "control" my temper, by simply denying it any sort of release; this, as I'm sure you will realize, is not control, it is simply an over-pressurized, pressure cooker waiting to blow!  Well, it blew, multiple times over the next 4 or 5 months... culminating when I was working 27 days straight 18 to 20 hours a day on an emergency system crash.  I was tired, cranky, and annoyed pretty much 24/7... that's when my wife started accusing me of cheating from there it went down-hill very  fast.  It ended with her trying to block me from leaving the house after a heated argument... that led to my wife discovering why everyone told her to never try and force my temper... I never laid a hand on her, but she was terrified and quickly got out of my way.  Then it was an attorney visit and a 90 day waiting to be legally divorced.

Now there are many, many more stories and parts to this story that I have not gone into here at this time.  I may at a latter date further elaborate this story, but for now, I think I'll just leave it at this.


Remember, live you life to the fullest, 'cause no one gets out alive!

When things don't go the way people want...

In light of the Zimmerman verdict being announced I thought I would blog, not about the tragedy that led to the trial, not about the verdict itself, but about the insane reactions to the verdict.

I know many people on FB that are absolutely losing their fucking minds over this verdict.  accusing people that they have known for a while of being racist, insinuating that riots are a good idea, wishing someone would kill Zimmerman, suggesting that the movie Purge seems like a good idea.  Now, personally after listening to the evidence presented, I agree with the verdict, but even if I didn't, I wouldn't be so damn deluded to think that killing the accused would make any difference now.  If we want to become better people and continue to develop as a country, we have to live by the rule of law.  If you do not like the law, work to change them.  rioting will not solve anything!  Rioting will only lead to more death and destruction, it will not solve anything.

To those people that want to make this a Racial crime... Zimmerman is not white, so it really isn't the race based event that so many seem to want it to be.  It seems that the only ones that were trying to make it a racial crime were the media, and the damn government!  The Media news should report the news, not taint it, not spin it, not try and manipulate the facts to fit an agenda, which the news should not have anyway, but they all have one now.  The government should be uniting the people of the country, however this administration seems to want to do the exact opposite!

To all of you wanting to riot, if you feel the need to cause additional mayhem, death and destruction, please remember that there is a saying that goes quite well with these actions... "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"  this means simply that rioting affords you a very high chance of:

1. Ending up in jail or prison
2. Ending up dead from another rioter, or someone that is trying to defend their home or family.

Neither of these options seems like a good outcome to me, but you know, hey, whatever you want.

Irresponsible app makers

     I'm pissed.  In the last few months those of us who choose to exercise our 2nd Amendment right to keep and bear arms have come under constant attack.  Some of us have had our addresses posted on the Internet, been ridiculed, threatened, unfairly taxed and even t-shirt wearing children arrested  for no other reason than we choose to actually use and posses the tools that the Bill of Rights of the United States Constitution guarantees us to have.  Now we have a app developer publishing an app that allows people in the community to anonymously GPS tag a persons home or business, for the reported reason, of reporting an "unsafe" gun owner.  Now if the app was only used for that, I would still have a problem, as one persons idea of unsafe is another persons normal activity, "unsafe" is far to subjective.  Now how many of us here can easily see this app used for the express purpose of those that do not like guns, or have a personal vendetta against someone, who may not even own any firearms, tagging their home, thus making it a more attractive target to various low-lifes?

     Now I understand that some people don't like guns, aren't comfortable around them, etc...  but, what happens in my home, or is contained in my home IS NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS!!!  Sorry, just had to get that out.  OK, It is my right to keep and bear arms, as it is your right to freedom of speech, unless that freedom of speech disparages another persons character, puts the public in grave danger, blah, blah, blah.  I get it, you don't like me having guns, but you know what?  It is none of your business, and it is a protected right, just like your right to whine and bitch about it.  Until the Bill of Rights is amended to remove the 2nd, I am breaking no laws; however, the developer and users of this app, could be legally construed as placing the public in danger. 

     The other problem I have is this app has no way of verifying the intent of the poster, or if the accuracy of the information!  This would be akin to me developing an app to flag people I  think are driving drunk, or taking drugs on the job, or are molesting children... see how that works?  Everyone needs to chill the hell out, and respect other peoples rights!  Take some personal responsibility for your own actions, and realize that 99% of all people that own firearms are good, upstanding members of your community!  We are your teachers, lawyers, deliverymen (and women), doctors, nurses, and yes, even your IT technicians.

The cyclical nature of the IT field, or ...

Holy Crap I've gotten a ton of recruiter/headhunter calls in the last two weeks!

     OK, so I've been working in the IT arena for going on twenty years now; and like a lot of fields it is cyclical in nature.  However in IT it seems to be a complete and total personification of the "feast or famine" saying.  What I mean is, I can go 6 months at a time without hearing from any aspiring recruiter/headhunter looking for fresh meat to chum the waters of the Internet job pool with; and then there are the times like I've had for the past couple of weeks... Recruiters with actual positions in mind that are tailored to me.. honestly a couple of them look like they looked at my resume and matched up their job description line for line!  The even more surprising thing is that every one of them to this point is at a higher pay rate, and better benefits package level than what I am currently "enjoying"! 

     *Note* to make my wife feel better (hi honey!) I am now knocking on simulated, wood-like, substance!

The Friends of a Lifetime

     I have had the best friends in the world!  I will proudly stand behind that statement to the end.  The friends I have had since my formative years are some of the best human beings I could hope to have met.  Now I'm not saying that they are all perfect, I'm not deluded!  We all have our faults, flaws and little "quirks" that make us less than perfect; but my true friends are some of the best a person could ask for.  "The saying a friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move the body" I think is a very apt description of my friendships.  Just to be clear, we've never moved, buried, or desecrated a body... hell we've never "made" a body for that matter, but I have faith that if push came to shove I have people I could call on to help out.  I hope they know that I am there for them in the same way at all times... I mentioned in a past post that I have a collection of people that I would drop everything and assist them in whatever they need at any time; this is not idle Internet banter, all anyone of my friends need to do is pick up the phone and let me know that they are in dire need of help.  and I will do everything in my power to help...

     As I've mentioned my young adult home life was not exactly rainbows and puppy dogs.  Because of this at times I relied on my friends far more than would normally be expected of teenage friends.  I'm delighted to say that they all stood by me, offering kind words, distraction, in some cases alcohol, and at times a place to lay low and crash.

     There were many good times, and there were a few times when I was able to offer some measure of reciprocation of friendship duties; however I am still indebted to my friends.  I am hesitant to go into specific events without first verifying with those involved to make sure they don't mind these tales re-told... I may have to change the names of the innocent, and not so innocent to protect us all!

     Without going into details, I have relied on my friends to shelter me from various storms, consul me when I was devastated, talk me down when I was ready to snap, smack the shit outta me when I was being stupid, and to tell me when I was being an ass for no reason.  Add to this at least two occasions of friends keeping me from committing the ultimate in cowardly stupidity and not allowing me to end my own life.

     A lot of people like to say they wouldn't have survived high school without their friends, I for one can say it and literally mean it.

     I will be having some conversations with some of my friends, and finding out their feelings on me regaling our shared tales to the entirety of the Internet.  I have a feeling some of these tales will never see the light of day!  On a similar note, part 3 of my "The Life and Loves of me as a teenager, or Crushes" will be delayed until I can contact the parties involved... I do not want to screw up anyone's life by spewing my cathartic crap out there and causing issues. As such part 3 will at the least be delayed, and at most will be completely redacted to only what that incident taught me, and how it has shaped me.

     Well until next time, or tomorrow afternoon while I am bored out of my mind at work, 

Live your life to the fullest, 'cause nobody's getting out alive!

The Life and Loves of me as a teen ager, or Crushes. Part 2

Part 2 is hard for me to write, and in some ways is hard for me to even think about/remember.  There are some of my friends that know of this part of my life, but not that many.

The second major crush of my youth was older than I by a couple of years.  We worked together,  and had numerous friends and acquaintances in common, which is odd considering who I was at the time.  She always seemed larger than life, vivacious, and unique.   She was a beautiful person in all respects.  I never made my feelings known to her, although I am fairly sure she had an idea about my crush.  She was always kind to me, friendly, and even nice.  We would occasionally joke around at work.  Life was OK, I admired from afar and that was OK as I was too awkward, scared, and shy with her too do any more than that.  Hey, remember I was young, awkward, and terrified around women I was attracted to... in short I was a "normal" teen boy.

I discovered that she was dating a young man from another school/area.  I was crushed, and felt betrayed.  Now I know now, and even knew then that I had no reason too feel this way, but the hormone-fueled emotions of a teen boy are anything but logical.  I grew somewhat crappy to her for a few days until I pulled my head out of my self-pitying ass; I then went back to "normal".  My feelings had changed somewhat, I was still attracted to her, still liked her, but now it was different, it's like I knew that she was out of my league, and not available either way.  I was OK with that; then the unthinkable happened.  It was late evening, I was crashing for the night.  The phone rang, which was odd for around 11pm, it was even more odd when my father came in and told me in a gruff, less-than-happy voice that it was for me.  It was my, at that time friend, calling me to let me know that my crush had been in a horrible car accident, and that his family was at the hospital, and he'd let me know what was happening as he found out.  Needless to say I was a little more screwed up than normal at that point.  I laid in bed, listening to Gun's and Roses Use Your Illusion, November Rain.  I think it was around 2 am or so, I really don't remember, as much of that night is now a blur; the phone rang again, I grabbed it before it finished the first ring.  It was my friend at the time again; My father opened my door and began to give me shit... apparently something in the way I looked at him and waved him away made him realize that it was not the time to trifle with his son.  The call was the worst news I could have imagined... she had been badly injured and could not be saved. 

My world collapsed in upon itself with those words.  I got up, got dressed, and wandered my home town for the next 4 hours or so before I had to go to work.  Now the horrendous thing about having to go to work, was that I was one of the first people at work, couldn't even get in until the manager got there.  IIRC (If I recall Correctly) She, my crush, was supposed to be working that day, which made it even more difficult.  I was in a daze... the manager that was on duty that day, whom I had never really gotten along with that well, even asked if I was OK.  After the first 10 minutes of clocking in, I went to talk to the manager to let her know what was going on; as I approached the managers office, she got a phone call.  I could tell that the phone call was similar to the one I had received hours earlier.  She had the same shocked, and dazed look on her face that I imagine was on mine.  In that second we both knew that the other knew what was happening...  She pulled me in the office closed the door, and I'm not ashamed to say that I cried my eyes out with her for about 5 minutes.  After that, the owners of the business came in, and talked to me... they told me that they understood what I was feeling, but to please, please not mention anything about it until later on in the day when they announced the news.  They said that if I couldn't handle it I could leave.  I couldn't really imagine doing anything at home, or anywhere else, so I said I would stay, and I zombied through the next 4 hours.  I said zombied through, as that is the best way I can describe how I was functioning... no real emotions (more on this in another post), no real reactions to what was going on, just existing in the moment.  Near lunch time the owners gathered everyone together... I instantly left and took my break/lunch, once the announcement was made, and the shock settled in most of the staff was an emotional wreck... some of the others that had noticed that I was not my normal smart-assed self came and found me... they all knew that I had to have known already.  That was one of the hardest days of my life, and one that I would never want to repeat.  The next few weeks were a blur of emotionally exhausting times with friends, memorial services, funerals, and grief.  This was the first time I had lost someone close to me, my normal emotional and empathetic walls came crashing down, I was poorly equipped to deal with this, and the following months were not very enjoyable for me, and I imagine I wasn't the most enjoyable person to be around.

I learned many hard lessons with this event.  I truly learned the meaning of loss, I learned that not everything that is asked of you is right, but has to be done.  I was also introduced to the solidarity of any group of people that spends any amount of time together; regardless how much you may not get along, when a tragedy occurs, people tend to pull together and consul each other.  This event was a life-defining moment for me, and continues to influence how I react to things to this day, over two decades later.

*Note* I am sure there are some out there that know me, know of the person I speak, and will be shocked, no, maybe outraged, hell I don't know what they will be if they read this post.  I mean no disrespect, and am not trying to do anything other than relay my experiences.  I know some of you out there will think that I did not know her well enough to speak of her, and in some ways you are probably correct, but I did know her, and she made an impact on me that lasts to this day.

The Life and Loves of me as a teen ager, or Crushes. Part 1

On the subject of crushes, I was a terminal case back in the day.  I can think of 3 major crushes I had during high school.  I'm sure there were tens of minor, fleeting crushes during those years.  What can I say, I was a teenage boy, with enough hormones coursing through my body to kill the adult me.  I was also lonely, and didn't have the best home-life... My father and I were, on a good day, only ready to scream at each other; on a bad day, well lets just say that we both came close to doing things that would have landed us in prison, and/or the morgue.  Looking back, with the wisdom of age and the understanding of maturity, the problem was that my father and I were very similar in makeup, and temperance; which of course made for some fireworks, as most of my close friends know.  I really think I was, at least partially, looking for some of the unconditional love that I thought was missing from my relationship with my father.  It turns out it was always there, just hidden by frustration, pride, and a lack of understanding.  Unfortunately I didn't discover this until just before my father passed away.
Anyway, back on topic, my daddy issues are for another day!  I will not post names, those people involved already know who they are, and I don't want to directly embarrass anyone, as I stated in a previous post, I have never been the object of a crush; and for good reason, I'm kind of a freak!

My first major crush was on a younger woman.  I know the scandal of it all!  We had gone to the same elementary school, had a couple of friends in the same circles, and well, I was smitten!  Much to my dismay she was, of course, involved with someone in her own class.  Not one to give up easily I pursued, and pursued, and continued to pursue.  I purchased flowers, gifts, CD's, etc...  She was, and still is a very special friend/person to me; She is one of the 10 people in my life, outside of my family, that if one of them called for help, I would drop everything to answer the call, and assist in any way that I could.  I am not even sure if she realizes that she is still that meaningful to me, but she is.  During my time of smitten-ness, I got to know some of her family, they were wonderful to me, which had to be difficult, as I was an awkward, unguided teen that had no money, dressed accordingly, and had some rather "shady" friends and dealings.  I will forever appreciate their kindness and tolerance of the ratty looking kid that kept showing up!  Later on in my 4 years of hell, otherwise known as high school, she was a wise and respected friend, that consoled me at a time when I needed it most!  She was, and for that matter, is still a true friend, she would tell me the brutal truth about me, even when others would shy away from doing that, as I am a big guy that tends to unintentionally intimidate people; she has never been scared of me, as she knows that I would never, ever hurt her intentionally.  In the end, I think we would both agree that it was for the best that we ultimately ended as friends. 

My first crush changed me in ways that most will never know.  She ultimately taught me to look at myself critically, and gave me my first introspective look at myself; granted I ran away screaming from that look until now, but, I'm looking now.  She also gave me the best gift ever... the understanding that sometimes it's better to not get what you want.

Things I have learned/come to grips with/now understand

Here is a list of some of the things that I've learned over the years... these are in no particular order.

*edit* OK, so as I've typed this I have realized that most of these points will end up becoming separate posts.

1. I have never been, nor will I likely ever be the object of a crush.  (full honesty, as I am typing this I secretly hope someone comments stating that they had a crush on me.)
2. When I was younger, in high school, I had numerous crushes, some of my friends will know the details and the who's, but needless to say, I had a few major ones... This will probably become a separate post all on it's own later.  All of the major crushes I had shaped my personality, some changed me forever.
3. Men can never say they had a fantasy of any kind without everyone assuming it's a sexual thing!
4. Women can say they had a fantasy and no one (well most people) will instantly assume sexual.
5. I am nearing the age of being "a dirty old man" up to that point, I'm just a pervert!
6. Calling people in a mild panic first thing in the morning to make sure that they are OK tends to freak them out a bit... tell them it's because you just had a dream where they where killed in it, and they think you are losing your mind.
7. If you are contemplating suicide, and actually want to go through with it, don't answer the damn phone!  
8. People will think whatever they want, you cannot change that... to put it in modern terms: Haters gonna hate.
9. Common sense seems to have lost it's commonality.
10. When dealing with an even slightly emotionally charged issue, logic flies out the window.
11. The news is now nothing more than a big OpEd piece. 
12. If given a choice, most people will opt to sit on their ass and accept government handouts, then actually work.
13. Having a "bad" childhood is not an excuse to be an asshat.
14. Most people in this day and age will do almost anything to avoid taking any personal responsibility.
15. Celebrities are nothing more than overpaid children... their opinions matter almost as much as mine does.
16. Reality TV is an Oxymoron.
17. Watching nothing but reality TV will turn you into a moron!  LOL
18. I am not prejudiced... I hate everyone equally.  This is not a tongue in cheek reference, I really do hate everyone equally!
19. Children, need discipline, and yes that does mean that occasionally they do need their ass swatted, or their mouth slapped.
20. You teach young children almost identically to how you train a puppy.  I know I'm going to catch hell for that one, but if you think about it, it really is true!
21. There is no such thing as "normal".
22. Dysfunctional is the new functional.
23. Better living through pharmacology is possible, not necessarily a good thing, but it is possible.
24. Has anyone else noticed that doctors are now more pharmacists then diagnosticians?
25. There is no free lunch, ever. and yes this includes Obamacare!
26. Politics were never meant to be a career.
27. Veterans and service members should be treated with the utmost respect!  Give them the salaries of congress, and the best care and treatment possible now.
28. Celebrities and politicians should be prosecuted and sentenced as they are nothing more than  flawed human beings... which they are!
29. Why is it that no one demands regulation of baseball bats and hammers, but they lose their ever-loving minds when it comes to firearms?
30. Slavery in the USA happened, there's not a damn thing any of us today can do about it.  Get over it!  Everyone of us is currently a slave to something, it is no longer a "black" thing.
31. People who try to avoid confrontation are going to fail.
32. If a man says he doesn't want to talk about something, don't push him to talk about it.  If he does talk about it after you bug him about it, it will not be pretty.
33. A person can be understanding, tolerant, and even loving; however people are panicky judgmental ass monkeys!
34. Anyone who states they've never paid for sex is deluding themselves; we all pay in one way or another!
35. I firmly believe everyone should be mandated to be married at 18, and then after 12 months mandated to divorce, after that you are free to marry and/or divorce anyone you want (within reason).  This would give everyone the knowledge of how it is to live with someone, what it means to be married, and get over the taboo (not so much of a big deal now-a-days) of divorce.
36. I believe every 13 year old should have to take full care of and responsibility of a child (not a real child, over half of them would never make it!).  If that doesn't get them to understand what being a teen parent is all about nothing ever will.
37. Shows like Teen mom should be taken off the air immediately!  They glorify children fucking up their lives for ratings.
38. If everyone took some personal responsibility of their lives, large portions of our issues as a country would go away in months.
39. Family is important, but your friends can, and will save your life.  Without the wonderfully amazing friends I have/had in my younger years, I would not be here today.
40. You cannot choose your family.
41. You can choose your friends, choose wisely!  

Self Improvement?

OK, so I've decided to do this blog, partially as a way to keep myself motivated to better myself, and quit making excuses.  To that end, I am now going to stream out a bunch of random thoughts:

1. I have become the fat, sweaty guy... I don't like that guy.  I will be killing that guy every day from now on!
2. I need to quit making excuses for why I don't get things done; no one else is going to do them, so I better just get them done, no matter how much I don't like doing them, how tired I am, how much the physical activity part sucks.
3. Walking up 4 flights of stairs SHOULD NOT leave one out of breath and slightly red in the face... refer to point 1 above!
4. Complaining about my state in life by doing nothing more than whining about it is not helpful, it is in fact somewhat self-defeating... by whining about it I get it off my chest and don't think about it again for a while; This does not solve the problem, it simply allows me to self-delude.
5. If I don't like how my career is going, I, and I alone, am responsible for improving it; this means studying and learning new things.  Time to get off my ass!
6. The current state of the country, economy, and government does not give me a warm fuzzy, therefore I need to work to change it, and prepare for the worst.
7. Make sure that in my preparing for the worst, I do not become a paranoid nut-job!
8. Quit regretting the Could-have-been's, and start making new been's (OK my mind is failing me at the moment, I know there's a more eloquent way to state that, but damned if I can think of it)
9. Start planning for the future, instead of wishing for the future.
10. Get back in contact with old friends, and stay in contact with them!  You are stuck with your family, your friends are of your own choosing, choose wisely! Rick, Troy, Casey, John... be warned, your numbers are almost up!  LOL
11. Be honest with myself in all things... This one is going to be very, very, difficult to do.
12. Quit eating out so much!  Refer to point 1.
13. Quit eating so much in general!  Once again, refer to point 1.
14. Blame +Cushla Young  for beginning this blog!  :)  
15. Run a marathon/Warrior Dash/Limit of Advance or other similar activity. +Cushla Young I only partially blame you for this one!
16. Work out to help with numbers 1, 3, 6, 12, 13, and 15.  Now if only I could find some similar motivation as Cushla did!  LOL 
17. Make sure that I actually make progress on this list!

I'm sure that I'll end up adding more to this list, and I'm sure I've left things out that I should have added...so, if you know me and know I need to add something, leave it in the comments, the worst I could do is tell you to Fuck Off and delete it!  ;)

Geese

 

Just some random geese that were strolling by near my current job assignment.

Bitching about work!

This post is basically me bitching about work.  I know I shouldn't bitch, I have a job, it pays reasonably well, and hell, I have a job!  But, as this is my blog, so I'm going to bitch anyway!

I work for an IT consulting firm, and with that comes the understanding that, at times, you are going to be dumped in an assignment last minute.  I get that, I've been in IT for going on two decades, I'm used to it; what I am not used to, and what drives me bat shit crazy, is when I'm dumped at a site, with little to no knowledge of the environment, for an undetermined amount of time, with no guidance other than, you are fulfilling a contractual obligation!  Now, as I post this, I am literally sitting at my "desk"

Now, as you can probably tell, it's not much of a desk, and it really wasn't ever meant for a man who is 6'7", and a disturbing 360+ pounds.  My current tasks are to assist one of my coworkers with any "build requests".  What this entails is when the Desktop Services group gets a request from some employee for a new PC, we have to "build" it.  This means that we take a (hopefully) new PC and install the "blessed" Operating system and base applications on the computer.  Then we begin the wonderful task of installing the countless bazillion other programs that ever user seems to have, and not be able to function without.  Now for those of you that are not in the IT industry this may sound difficult, complicated, and, dare I say it, challenging.  In reality it is the most boring task in IT.  Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can do this task; It really only involves the ability to double-click on the install file or batch script and click next a few times; well for some of the programs you get to click next, a lot of them are what is known as silent installs, meaning double click, wait a few minutes, and move on to the next program without ever touching it beyond that.  This may sound like a dream gig, no real work, responsibilities, etc... however when you are titled "Enterprise Engineer" this shit will drive you insane in the matter of a few hours!  Which brings me back to my initial bitch about this assignment; I have no idea how long I'm stuck in IT purgatory!  So instead of learning new technologies, playing with new hardware and Operating systems, I'm stuck pressing F12 to boot from the network, and selecting which install image is dumped on the computer.  Ah the glamor of the IT field up close and personal.  And I drive two and a half hours a day for this fun!

Introduction

Hello all, I'm new to blogging, I'm a veteran Forum junkie, and use the dreaded FB more than I care to admit, but writing about myself is a new endeavor.  I will admit that while I am racing towards middle age, I am not there yet, but there really isn't a good way to say, "Musings of an almost middle aged madman" without boxing myself in!

I will state up-front that I have no sense of PC, nor do I want any sense of PC.  I will almost assuredly write something that will piss you off, for that, all I can say is Sorry, it's my BLOG, don't like it, don't read it. :P

I would like to thank, (or blame) :) +Cushla Young  for the inspiration(?) to start a BLOG.  I really am not an important person, nor do I have the deluded view that my opinions matter to anyone other than myself!  But, I've not been able to be truly me for a long time, and I figure what the hell, I can do that on a blog and not directly bother many people!

I will be posting my own rants, political viewpoints, etc...I will attempt to segment them out so that it will be easier to weed through the crap you don't want to see.

All in all this will basically be a web-enabled journal, I'll likely put things here that I wouldn't end up telling most of the people in my day to day life for various reasons.  What the hell, I mean it's the Internet right, it's not like anyone catalogs this info and stores it forever!  *wink, wink; nudge, nudge*